Dear Driver Of The Flashy Jag:

Your ability to weave in and out of traffic at a high rate of speed (in a 35 mph zone) and end up as the car in front of me at the red light is AMAZING!  It was almost as impressive as the driver of the black truck weaving in and out of lanes on the freeway.....only to find himself behind me at the red light of the off ramp.  Kudos to your stupidity and disregard of others!!  Your stamp of stupidity is in the mail.  Race over there to watch for it!  

Why I Hate Mondays

Why is it that on days that begin with “S” it is near impossible to sleep in? Even if I am fortunate enough to have one or more of my kids sleep in past 6am, I am up for some reason.  Yet, come Monday morning I am pealing myself and the kids out of bed?  Monday seems to be the only day in our house that a body under 5 feet tall could possibly sleep in.  This is why I hate Mondays.

It takes enough energy to get myself up and moving.  Just as I am feeling accomplished with two feet on the ground… I remember that I am soon to be faced with little faces that do not want to get up.  Little faces that I would love to stay asleep and rest the two days prior, but have decided yet again, that Monday is a day to sleep in.  This is why I hate Mondays.

Today, I took the easy way out.  I went downstairs and began to make lunches.  As I was willing my eyes to stay open, I just kept hoping that Hubby would wake up the kids.  I turned on the radio and the coffee pot and pretended it was 10am instead of 5am.  I pulled out my favorite creamer, because coffee is all about the creamer and got to making lunches.  Thankfully when I chose my hubby many moons ago I made sure he had super mind reading powers.

He began operation wake up the grumpy.  It worked! I didn’t have to fight more eyes than my own to stay open!  He fought the fight and pealed the minions from their warm beds.  Got them dressed and sent them down for breakfast…..just in time for me to go up and get dressed for work.  I think I found my recipe for sanity on Monday morning = avoidance!  I may not get the Mommy of the Year award for this morning’s events…..but I did get a bit of sanity on a Monday morning.

Elevators

How is it that something so small and so quick can be so awkward for people?  Why do people find the elevator to be so awkward and uncomfortable?  I am not convinced they are all claustrophobic.  It is quite intriguing to me that the ride last under 30 seconds and yet, the entire world stops.  I have determined there most be a set of unwritten rules that I have not been privy to because it happens all the time.

Just the other day, I entered an empty elevator.  I was standing in the back corner breathing slowing willing down my blood pressure so I wouldn't get a lecture from my Doc.  Two other people got on the elevator next.  Before they got on the elevator they were talking and obviously knew each other. Once across the magical elevator opening.....silence!  A man got into the elevator moved to the control panel and pushed the buttons for the doors to close. The common factor, they all got in and turned towards the door.  Staring at the door and not looking at one another.  Just facing forward like a statue, still as can be.

Maybe it has to do with personal space?  Casual conversations happen within 1.5 to 4 feet of each other.  The elevator really compromises this space that some require.


As an experiment, I decided that every elevator I got on for the week I would enter the elevator and continue to face the rear of the elevator until the door opened for me to leave.  I also wished every person that got off before me a good day.  You would not believe how uncomfortable people were.  No eye contact, shifting around as if they can not wait to get out.  Then I added a bit to the test.  Are you ready for it...... I said "Hello" as new people got on.  Some people actually ignored me and said NOTHING.  But most people simply nodded not violating the silence motto.  I guess it boils down to this, if you want to act "appropriately" here are some tips:

Know Your Limits 
Keep your buffer!  Don't make any sudden movements, especially smiling.  Make sure you are always facing the door.

People: Stay Separate
4 People: Each person should take a corner
5 or More People: Face the door, do not touch anyone! Refrain from smiling!

Avoid Eye Contact
Those blank stares you see are screaming - "DO NOT DISTURB!"

Conversations 
Cease

In my observations, these tips will assist you in having a nice comfortable elevator ride.

However, it was really fun to break the rules and see people squirm.

Coach

Sports, is my comfort zone.  Sports is my go to.  I grew up playing sports, any sports. I loved to play.  I was good at some things and others not so much.  I didn't care if I was good, I just loved to play.  I loved the rush you got working as a team and the bigger rush when you did something as an individual for your team.

While I was going through college I began to coach various basketball teams.  I loved the game and loved to teach others about it.  I enjoyed watching the kids develop.  I enjoyed watching the joy in their face when they made a basket or a great pass.  I enjoyed the excitement of the games.  I enjoyed teaching.  I enjoyed the kids. I enjoyed everything about coaching those kids, except the parents.

I stopped coaching back then because of the parents.  The parents that never did play a sport themselves and are trying to live through their child.  The parents who were great as children and expect their child to be great.  The parents that think their child is the best, when they are not.  The parents that force their child to play something in which they have no interest.  I stopped because of them.

Now I am one, a parent.  I have always promised that I will not be one of those parents.  I will be there to encourage my children.  I will allow them to chose what they would like to try out.  The only part my husband and I enforce is this...If you start a season or session, you finish it.  There is no quitting.

No quitting, that is the part that I have to remember.

Lately life has thrown some curve balls, but I must remember..not to quit.

Spare A Square

Smart phones, social media, and trendy apps make it easier than ever to stalk check up on your friends and family.  Heck, it even assists in checking in on those you are not fond of.  How many of you have used those location tagged posts to decide NOT to go somewhere? 

Now this might be twisted, but I find it hard to believe that I am the only person who thinks like this.  Well, I know I am not, because I married a man a lot like me.

However, with all the stores, chores and juggling kids, I have a new proposal.  Forget Facebook location tagging, forget Foursquare.  My app is going to be called, Spare a Square. Yep that is right.  You read it right.

I figure I will be queen of the app in no time.  I will have fierce competition from other parents of small children I am sure.  Oh, that's right, the app!  Spare a Square will be an app to check in at all the bathrooms we, as parents, are forced to find while out doing the days deeds.

I mean really, it is like a game to see how many bathrooms they "see" on the trip.  And those that have more than one children, know that once one child goes, the others will too.  So my app will be upgraded to include a multiple check in feature for more points and those all so important badges.  And yes, there is different points for #1 or #2 or if you did both, YIPPEE!  I am still deciding if you can score points for a multiple bathroom visit at the same location.  I mean it is the same hassle and effort, so why not?

Now, I just need to begin naming the badges and find a techie to build this for me.  What ya think? 

Copy Cat

Copying someone is the sincerest form of flattery, right?  I mean to take the words, choice or decision of another without having your "own" thought is a compliment?  Isn't that what "they" all say?  I want to know who the "they" are.  I want to know who really thinks this way.  I want to know who doesn't hear or see the copycat attempts and not feel bothered by it.  I can tell you who does not agree with what "they" say.  My children!

I am sure I am not the only parent with children that do not like the idea of copy cats.  Some of you parents out there are nodding your heads or smiling right now at the thought of your own situations.  You know what I am referring to, the screaming and whining about why a sibling picked the same cereal or the same kind of juice box.  I mean really does the food/drink taste any different if someone else is enjoying it too?  For a child under the age of five, the answer is yes!

As a parent, you will also know all too well that there are situations in which being a copy cat is a must.  In these desperate times equality is essential or the rotation of earth as we know it will be compromised.  In our house this is the moment of "same same".  This is the moment in which they will compare the size and number of items you have given them.  All items must be of equal size and volume, this is a MUST.  Oh and remember, this includes a cup of liquid.  As a parent this is a very important to remember.  One slight miscalculation and operation meltdown WILL occur.  Meltdowns will be covered seperately as they are a beast of their very own.

I am still torn on what "they" say.  I mean I enjoy my own ideas and I can respect others original ideas.  If we all kept them to ourselves the world would be pretty boring.  However, copying what others do is pretty boring too.  What do you think?  Who are "they" anyway?

The Battle

The battle of the "Moms".  The "working" Mom and the "stay at home" Mom.  Aren't they really both working Moms?  They are both working.  They may hold different job descriptions and provide different benefits, but they are both hard to balance.  Let's take a look at them:

Stay at Home:

• You may or may not be good at the job
• You may or may not be fit for the job
• Being the town taxi is stressful
• You can not pee alone as there is always an audience.
• Your day rarely goes as planned, the support staff make sure of that
• Breaks and lunches are hit and miss
• Your job duties include "all other duties assigned".....by a minor
• Underpaid
• Appreciation is hit and miss
• Your social life often seems like Toddler World 24/7

Working:

• You may or may not be good at the job
• You may or may not be fit for the job
• Commuting is stressful
• You can not pee alone, unless you happen to go when no one else in the entire building does not
• Your day rarely goes as planned
• Breaks and lunches are hit and miss
• Your job duties include "all other duties assigned".....by someone that acts like a child.
• Underpaid
• Appreciation is hit and miss
• Your social life often seems like High School Drama 24/7

Wow, so far I am torn.  Let's face it, being a Mom is hard.  No matter what your schedule looks like at the end of the day, a Mom is a Mom.  It is what you do with your "Mom" time that makes you a Mother.  So many people take for granted the awesomeness of being a Mother.  I am thankful everyday to have healthy and happy children. Whether you have all day with them or a few hours a day with them.  Be thankful you are WITH them.