I was speaking with a co worker this past week and the
conversation turned to our kids. The conversation started off like all
conversations I have with BTDT (been there done that) Moms. The newer
Moms out there know what I am referring to. You know the comments...
"Oh, enjoy these days they grow up so fast!"
"Kids will be kids, just enjoy it"
"What young parents these days don't understand is...." - This one can go so many wonderful ways
"If I was raising my kids in these days, I would never...."
"Parents today are too tough on kids too young"
And this is where the conversation changed a bit. The topic of children and the stress of competition and disappointment. I have to say that I am a 100% believer that extra curricular activities are great for children. DaddyCool and I were both into extra curricular activities in which we both agree kept us focused and out of trouble growing up. Ms. Coworker was upset that we would enroll a 3 year old in dance and our 5 year old in basketball. Her comment was "why rush it?". My answer is, they asked so we found them a safe environment to test it out. I invited her to come watch my daughter's joy while in her dance class. I invited her to come see how much my son loves to playanimal ball basketball and that he begs to
play more. I will never force my children to "do" anything, but I
will not shelter them from the opportunity to try it out.
So as if I didn't upset her enough she then says "I guess you would be happy to beat your child at a board game" I don't think she was wanting me to actually answer that by the look on her face, but I did anyway.
I do believe that children need to be exposed to the possibility of rejection or "losing" as early as they can comprehend it. Now before you flame me for that, let me explain. One important factor - In moderation. For example, when we play board games here DaddyCool and I do not "let" the kids win. If we are playing Candyland or another children's game and they happen to come in last we use that as a learning experience. My co worker thought that was completely out of line and why would we want to "hurt" them in these precious years.
So to that I say this, losing might hurt for a bit when it is Mommy and Daddy, but when they are at school it is going to hurt a lot worse if they have never been exposed to some disappointment in life. The tough reality is they won't win at everything and the answer will not always be "yes". Why not use a safe environment to mold them to handle this in the real world?
Now don't worry, when are are facing bigger challenges we don't go around demoralizing our children. Well, at least I don't. You might have to ask DaddyCool how proud he was to have beat our 6 year old in checkers. (ha ha). No but really, there is judgment used when to teach these valuable lessons and when to "let" them enjoy the victory. That is the balance each parent finds for each child's tolerance for learning these tough lessons. Losing is a reality....Reality bites sometimes.
"Oh, enjoy these days they grow up so fast!"
"Kids will be kids, just enjoy it"
"What young parents these days don't understand is...." - This one can go so many wonderful ways
"If I was raising my kids in these days, I would never...."
"Parents today are too tough on kids too young"
And this is where the conversation changed a bit. The topic of children and the stress of competition and disappointment. I have to say that I am a 100% believer that extra curricular activities are great for children. DaddyCool and I were both into extra curricular activities in which we both agree kept us focused and out of trouble growing up. Ms. Coworker was upset that we would enroll a 3 year old in dance and our 5 year old in basketball. Her comment was "why rush it?". My answer is, they asked so we found them a safe environment to test it out. I invited her to come watch my daughter's joy while in her dance class. I invited her to come see how much my son loves to play
So as if I didn't upset her enough she then says "I guess you would be happy to beat your child at a board game" I don't think she was wanting me to actually answer that by the look on her face, but I did anyway.
I do believe that children need to be exposed to the possibility of rejection or "losing" as early as they can comprehend it. Now before you flame me for that, let me explain. One important factor - In moderation. For example, when we play board games here DaddyCool and I do not "let" the kids win. If we are playing Candyland or another children's game and they happen to come in last we use that as a learning experience. My co worker thought that was completely out of line and why would we want to "hurt" them in these precious years.
So to that I say this, losing might hurt for a bit when it is Mommy and Daddy, but when they are at school it is going to hurt a lot worse if they have never been exposed to some disappointment in life. The tough reality is they won't win at everything and the answer will not always be "yes". Why not use a safe environment to mold them to handle this in the real world?
Now don't worry, when are are facing bigger challenges we don't go around demoralizing our children. Well, at least I don't. You might have to ask DaddyCool how proud he was to have beat our 6 year old in checkers. (ha ha). No but really, there is judgment used when to teach these valuable lessons and when to "let" them enjoy the victory. That is the balance each parent finds for each child's tolerance for learning these tough lessons. Losing is a reality....Reality bites sometimes.
You know I love this. Kids who learn to lose early will lose gracefully, play for the love of the game, and won't get disenchanted when life teaches them that lesson later on.
ReplyDeleteI will continue to work on the gracefully part....they still hate losing! Ha ha (probably got that from me) BUT...they will understand it is a reality. Thanks for reading!
DeleteTrue this. We are realistic with our kids and think it is somewhat disrespectful to talk to them like they are idiot babies who can't figure life out. In reality, kids are usually better and accepting reality and moving on. I have a few adults who are still working on it....
ReplyDeletewww.alotoflayers.blogspot.com
We are the same, never spoke in gibberish. Always spoke to them as another person. Well, we cut out the cussing, ha! I know many adults working on it too! Thanks for reading!
DeleteIt's like you can't do anything right these days. Expose them to activities that pique their interest and you are overscheduling and overparenting. But if you don't, you are denying them opportunities. Let them win and you're coddling them, let them lose and you're destroying their self esteem (though I thought that last one was pretty much on the outs, until I read this!) Good for you for listening to your intuition and doing what you think is right. It might just be that the "been there done that" moms and dads were never really "there" - not the same place you are...
ReplyDeleteThank you Kim, it is a never ending balance. You are right, perhaps they never really were where we are striving to be. Great point! Thank you for reading!
DeleteIt sounds to me like you and DaddyCool have a wonderful attitude and parenting style! I totally agree that extra-curricular activities that are chosen by our children and are done for their enjoyment are perfectly fine! What a wonderful blessing it is to be able to let our children participate in things they get so much enjoyment out of! Keep up the great work!!
ReplyDeleteAanika x
Aanika, thank you! There are plenty of things we fail miserably at I just haven't wrote about those yet (ha), but that makes these things feel even more accomplished! And with more than one child/learning style the balance is more difficult. Thank you for reading!
DeleteTo do otherwise is to steal from them. To steal what truth and reality is. I hope said woman did not have kids for they will most likely have a tough time in the real world. We often tell our kids that life is not fair to get over it. We try to help them realize things go wrong all the time and they will not have an easy go of it. To learn to lose in my opinion is far more important than to learn to win or to not experience failure. Failure has lead to some of the greater successes in my childrens lives.
ReplyDeleteYou are doing a great job and instilling the best experiences possible in your children. Teaching them what happens in life is our job and by not teaching them we hurt them in the long run. I applaud you and Daddy Cool! :)
ReplyDelete