Say Uncle!

UNCLE!  Remember when we were kids tormenting each other with noogies and dare I say Indian burns?  The only way out was to yell UNCLE!  Then if you were a meanie like me….you would pretend that you didn’t hear these shouts for surrender.  Come on, you know you did it too.  You know…that feeling of sole power even if only for a moment in time.  You may have not equated it to that “power” feel but thinking about it now I bet you are nodding your head.

I have always been one who likes to be in control.  I enjoy being the one to pay the bills.  I enjoy planning the vacations.  I enjoy having say in just about everything.  I have become better at releasing that control to DaddyCool and empowering our children to make choices for themselves as well.  I started a blog so I could express my opinions.

Actually, I started this blog for a few reasons. 

One was that I really enjoy writing.  I enjoy getting my thoughts out on paper.  The problem I am having is that I had been in a pretty rough place and can’t even get myself to put stuff out on paper.  As a result, I built a bunker and hid.  I came out when baited with begging but I wasn’t really here.  I am not quite sure where I have been really.  Sure physically I can tell you everywhere I was these past weeks, but emotionally, spiritually….no clue.

The other was to have an outlet to be funny and sarcastic.  I really can be fun.  Yet looking back on my posts I don’t even feel like that is “me” writing.  It is missing something important…just not sure where I placed it.

And finally...my arm was being twisted by another control freak blogger and I had to scream Uncle and do it to shut her up <wink>.

But it seems as though I have lost control of it all. 

Some call it a funk, some call it a phase….I call it my bottom.  I haven’t been right for a while now. A long while.  It has been so long I can’t even remember when things changed.  Why do I feel this way?  Why can't I just be happy?  Why can't I control my angry button?  I am extremely blessed with an awesome husband and three awesome kids yet somewhere I am disconnected.  Why?

I have become great at focusing on every small thing which is bad and blow it up into the newest “end of the world”.  I have lost all control.

I yell.. a lot…. Loud… over stupid things.  I lose control.

I am sad…a lot… over, well I don’t quite know.  I cry in the shower because I have lost control of not.

So I call UNCLE to it all and I have taken the first step in helping me.  Today I will attend my first counseling session.  I just need to talk…I think…I want to understand.  I just want to really find me.  I want to feel in control of my day….emotionally.

I deserve it and most certainly my family deserves it.  We all need a better “me.”

I hope you will all hold my hand for this journey.  Other than DaddyCool and one very important friend in my life no one knows this part of me.  It is hard to admit when you are in need of help.  It is always easy to ask for praise of your successes.

The Bachelor....Shhhh Its a Secret

Welcome to Take Two of March’s Secret Subject Swap. This week, 13 brave bloggers picked a secret subject for someone else and were assigned a secret subject to interpret in their own style. Today we are all simultaneously divulging our topics and submitting our posts.

My subject is "How I Really Feel About The Bachelor"  It was submitted by  
BIG A and little a.   

Here it goes: 

The truth is...  I have never watched the show...like ever!  

I am just not all that sappy business.  
Of course I believe in love.... and I am so very happy that I found it.  
I do believe in love at first site, although I have not experienced it.

I just never understood why all these "great" women would feel the need to go on a national show and fight over one man....a man they have never met when they sign up for the show.  They will put it all out there.  Like ALL of it...

They are CRA CRA to the max!  More crazy than some of you blogger people...really they are!  <wink>
They are in little to no clothes fighting to the end. Trash talking, back stabbing and making out.....wasn't that what we did in high school? Wait.....why isn't DaddyCool watching this?

Here's the thing if you wrap all the time this hunka hunka burning love has with these women it is less than a week time.  I don't know about you, but I could be anyone for a week.  This isn't enough time to get to know these people for who they really are.  But what do I know....I have never watched the show.  I actually went against the grain on "acceptable time before marriage" myself.....so what do I know

What I do know is this.... people can meet the mate of their dreams in many ways and many times when they are least expecting it.  I met my Bachelor on the internet.  Yep....you read that right...on the computer.  I was a working Master's student and he was home recovering from a work injury that resulted in surgery.  He was bored at home on drugs...that probably explains a lot right there.  He wrote me an innocent email from a meeting board.  We exchanged emails for a few weeks before he even asked to call me.  I enjoyed having someone that liked and understand my humor.  When he finally asked to call me I was a bit scared.  What if all these LOLs weren't really true and I wasn't who he thought.  Then I got more scared.....what if he isn't who I thought?!  The first night we talked on the phone for hours....like time to get up and shower for work now hours long.  It was crazy....but it paid off.  We planned a lunch date because I didn't want to commit to a dinner....ha ha  ya I am a control freak like that!  I didn't want the date to end.  We saw this little old couple drinking margaritas,  Neither of us said anything about it that day.....but when he asked me to marry him he mentioned it.  He had seen it too.  He wanted to grow old with me to have some margaritas! 

We had our first date in December, were engaged in March and married the next January.

People thought we were crazy....and actually told us this.  We are still happily married and I couldn't imagine my life without him.  He balances me (check out this post if you haven't written by DaddyCool himself.  We are just right.  

Ironically those same people who thought we were so off base are now divorced and on to their next relationship adventure. 

 I would love to hear how you met your soul mate...and then go check out these other swap posts!

www.BakingInATornado.com                                        

http://www.justalittlenutty.com/                                  

http://suburbiainterrupted.com                                   

http://mooreorganizedmayhem.blogspot.com/               

http://www.comeplayinthekitchen.com/                       

http://www.bigaandlittlea.com

www.theblacksheepmom.blogspot.com

http://www.themommyref.blogspot.com/

http://www.100lbCountdown.com

http://www.findingfelicity.com

www.eviljoyspeaks.wordpress.com

http://caramelliving.blogspot.com/

adventuresinhickeyland.blogspot.com

Let's Pretend...

How many times a day do you hear that in your home?  I have lost count. 

Lil One: Hey let’s pretend we are Mommy and Daddy and we have a baby.

Lil Two: Yay! Oh and let’s pretend we are going to the park with our bikes.

Lil One:  Oh yay! Let’s pretend we are…

You get the picture.  If you are a parent I am sure you hear it at your house too…more than once. 

But let’s pretend that we actually sat down as parents and listened to what they were saying in those conversations.  Let’s pretend they were a window into who “we” are.  Yes, even in their little child forms. 

Let’s pretend that they actually had something to teach us….about us.

Think about it.

Have you ever spent the time to listen to your children play?  I am talking about the good innocent play moments when they don’t even know you are listening or watching.  If you haven’t, you should.  If you would just pretend that nothing else is as important as that moment….you will remember that moment when you need it most.

The Ref household has been going through some tough times.  I have been called to school more times than I care to mention.  I am crushed that “my kid” is a trouble to others.  I don’t understand it.  It hurts me.  It affects us all.  The other child is embarrassed that a sibling is a trouble maker.  The little one wants to mimic it all.  DaddyCool and I are out of tricks to get to the root issue.  We have begun parent counseling to support us through and hopefully dodge my child from being asked to leave this school.

Then this morning…I just stopped and listened.

Children playing….

I stopped and heard

“Let’s pretend that we are just sitting and cuddling our babies because we missed them today”

Response was

“Ya…..I miss Mommy and Daddy when I am at school”

Cuddle your babies today.  Everyday

Will this change all my issues? No! 

It will however help remind my children that I miss them just as much and we are in this together.

Life isn’t always unicorns and rainbows….but when you are hugging those babies…you can just pretend it is…a moment or two won’t hurt.  Promise.

 

Say What?!

Guess who got tagged to talk about themselves.  Yay..you got it...this girl!  By the same blogger that forced me into this writing business.  Apparently she thinks I have more to say than I do.   

Crazy Kelly from DeBie Hive

Be sure to check her out!

1.  Where were you born? I was born in Southern California.  

2.  Were you named after someone?  Nope, well not that I know of.  My mom just liked my name.....as apparently many many people in the seventies did.  My name is pretty common around my generation.

3. How many children do you have?  Three.  Two boys and a girl

4. How many pets do you have?  1 dog  and a family of birds living by my front door

5. Your worst injury?  I am not sure which was worse.  I have broke my arm.  That was in my teen years and that was crappy as it blew my college basketball playing days.  This injury resulted in lots of therapy (physical, not mental).  I have had a knee surgery too....injured that on my honeymoon with DaddyCool (while I was sober)

6.  Do you have a special talent?  Not that I can think of.  Wow, I am so boring!

7.  Favorite thing to bake.  I don't bake much.  I pretty bad at baking.  When I do it is cookies and cupcakes.

8. Favorite Fast Food.  I love In-N-Out burger.  I also love Chipotle.  Yummm

9.   Would you bungee jump? No way....not by choice.  Never, I can't stand heights and I see no reason to jump off a perfectly stable platform.

10.  What is the first thing you notice about people?  If they are able to hold eye contact.  It really tells a lot about people.  Trust me

11.  When was the last time you cried?  Today...at work...after a meeting.  Not my finest moment.

12.  Any current worries.  Absolutely.  This would be a post in itself.  I worry about money, job security, my kids, out health...I worry about a lot of things I can not control.......I really need to be in control.  

13.  Name 3 drinks you drink regularly.  Coffee, Water, Tea

14.  What’s your favorite book?  I can never forget the first time I read Charlotte's Web.

15.  Would you like to be a pirate.  YES!  I have a rare eye condition in which I will lose vision at some point.  This would make it all that much more cool!  A pirate I'd be!

16.  Favorite Smells.  Beach air, cookies, my clean children, lemons

17.  Why do you blog?  I am being forced to.... no not really.  I enjoy it.  I don't have the time to write as much as I would like, but I enjoy it when I do.

18. What song do you want played at your funeral?  Take the Money and Run  (no tears over me, go enjoy life)

19.  What is your least favorite thing about yourself.  My short fuse, my lack of angry management, my need to be in control ALL THE TIME

20.  Favorite hobby.  Playing sports, coaching sports, writing, camping, and when I do decide to do it....baking with the kids.

21.  Name something you’ve done, you never thought you would do?  I never thought I would be a Mom at all....now three kids later I can't imagine NOT being one.

22.  What do you look for in a friend.  Someone that is more screwed up than me so I can laugh at them and feel normal.  Wait...no...that is my Facebook friends...  In real life, I want some that can admit when things are bad and enjoy when things are good.  Someone that loves to laugh at and with me.  

23.  Favorite Fun things to do?  I like to antique shop.  I have never bought anything but love looking!

24.  Pet peeves. The overuse of cliches.  "Think outside the box" and "marching to the same beat".  That annoys me.  I also can't stand when people are negative about their children.  They are children.... YOU need to grow up and teach them, don't criticize them. 

25.  Whats the last thing that made you laugh?  My kids on the way to school this morning.  They were demonstration what different um people AND animal farts sound like.  Although I tried not to laugh...honestly.  I lost it when the four year old gurgled for the fish fart.  I lost it....but that kid is so creative and smart...  I can be proud right?

Now, I am supposed to tag other bloggers.Most of the ones I follow were tagged in Kelly's post so I will tag a few more that I would love to hear from.

The Active Mum

The Momisodes

Big A Little a
When Crazy Meets Exhaustion 
Moms World 

Explode

Social media has opened the doors of opportunity.  It can provide an opportunity to reconnect with old friends and make new ones.  It has provided a place for people like me to write and save thousands of dollars on therapy.  It does not discriminate…even if you can’t write well…it will still welcome you….we will just laugh at you.  Social media has increased awareness of awesome goodness around the world.  It has also provided a strong vehicle to raise awareness for causes near and dear to our heart.  It has also served as a reminder that our society is comfortable flaunting irresponsible actions and lack of good judgment.  They are ok expressing their feelings of being entitled to something without putting in some time to grow/deal with it.

I am fully aware that I am not required to read everything my “friends” put out there.  However, I chose to for two main reasons.  One is for entertainment value.  Two is so I can save more money on therapy as I reassure myself I am not as messed up as others.  (I know you have those thoughts too…its ok I won’t ask you to stand up or raise your hand).

Recently the Mommy Ref Court has been dealing with some tough situations.  I have not written about them yet as honestly it still hurts and we are still smack dab in the middle.  Nothing life threatening…just a lot at once going on with the kids and of course that dreaded “M” word.  Money.  We don’t advertise our issues in media land because they are ours.  We will deal with them.  However not everyone feels that way…..that is where my head wants to explode….nearly once a day.

I will explode if I have to witness another woe is me money post followed up a short time later with pictures of your Vegas trip, weekend getaway, or your status about new Disney season passes.

I will explode if I hear one more person complain about your child being sick because you had a date night planned.  You are a parent, it is your job.  Date nights can be rescheduled.  So can vacations for that matter….does it suck, yes….but such is life with children.  Expect the unexpected...it’s in the fine print.

I will explode if I have to read another degrading post about one of your children as you praise your “perfect one” for all to see.  Then you post later about how that child always gets left out or picked on….I have a mirror for you Momma Dear.

I will explode if I have to read about your money drama because you quit a job because it was too hard to get there at 7am.  You are not married, you don’t have children to tend to, you are lazy.  Grow up.

Life is tough…period.  We all have “stuff” some worse than others indeed.  What these things show me day in and day out is that many people are clueless.  They are selfish.  They are lost.  When did we turn into a world that feels entitled to things?  When did the work hard to enjoy life plan leave society?

If you are having money issues, quit spending on stuff that is not essential!

If your child is sick, take care of them…Everything else can wait…trust me

If you are struggling with one child, deal with it and stop comparing them to the other child.  Trust me it is not helping anything.  If you typing it, chances are you are modeling it too.

If you can’t get to work by 7am, you are lazy.  Period.  If it is due to a child care issue…..you are now stupid for quitting without a job in place.  With a little research and asking people are willing to help.  Now you have made it worse.

We teach our children to be responsible for their actions.  We should be too.

The right thing to do and the hard thing to do are usually the same.  So suck it up buttercup and take care of your business the right way.

Midget Time!

Being a parent we spend a lot of time answering questions. 


What is this? Why is that? 

If you are anything like me you spend a lot more time trying to figure out how to answer some of those questions.  You want to provide a good answer but you also want to avoid leaving it open for follow up questions. 

This past week I was tagged by two bloggers to answer questions about me.  I am honored they thought about me, so thank you to Bigaandlittlea and Sadderbutwiser !   You ladies rock!   

Players make sure you check these ladies out....tell them I sent ya.  Maybe there is a cool door prize or something...

However, I have done a post like this before AND I have ran a "Get to know the MommyRef post on Facebook........so I figured you don't want to know more about me!  I did however think you might enjoy my spin on it as it is Midget's 4th birthday this week. I decided I would ask him some of these questions.  Now to be honest I got some real answers and some "I dunno" answers....so I answered for him on some of them.  C'mon he is four!  Hope you enjoy my little spin...





1. When did your last hug take place?
Whenever I see Mommy I hug her tight.  She says I give the best hugs and it makes her day.  Some call me a monkey for this very reason.  I love to be held and cuddle....eventhough I am getting big and strong

2. Are you a jealous person?
Only when it is my sister getting the attention.  It doesn't bother me with brother...but that sister is always breaking up my time with Mommy and Daddy.  I do share my toys well....most of the time.

3. Are you tired right now?
Tired? What is that?  I haven't taken a nap since I was 20 months old.  No that is not a typo.  I like to enjoy ALL of my day, don't want to miss a thing.

4. Do you chew on your straws?
Yes and Mommy tells me to stop.  She doesn't like all the slobbering mess...oh well.

5. Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight? 
No, but that sounds like fun!  Maybe I will do that one evening before Mommy has a big meeting!

6. Do you cry easily?
Yes. I am four! What do you expect?!  I get my feelings hurt really easy.  I am an old man in a little body.  I also cry when my siblings get hurt.  I am tough though.  I broke my arm last year and didn't cry (because I was scared) and told my Mommy to take me to the doctor cause he needs to fix it like Handy Manny.

7. What should you be doing right now?
I should be playing Batman and Robin!  Or cleaning my toys out of the walk way.

8. Are you mad at someone right now?
Yes! My mom for asking me all these questions....can I go now?

9. What (who?) makes you laugh no matter what?
TICKLES!  and my big brother

10. What are you NOT looking forward to?
Dating, you chicks are crazy!

11. What ARE you looking forward to?
Learning how to play the guitar and driving.

12. What’s the last thing you put in your mouth?
You probably don't want to know....neither does Mommy.


13. Who was the last person you took a picture of?
I love to take pictures!  There are hundreds on my moms phone...

14. Three names you go by..
This is a trick question!  I know my Mommy doesn't use my name here!  But she does call me the midget sometimes....and lil man.... and Bubba

15. What is your all-time favorite romance movie?
Does Tangled count?  I love to pretend to be Flynn.

16. Do you have a special talent?
Yes.... I can make the darkest day bright....or so my Mommy says...and she knows everything....right?

17. What is your favorite food?
Pizza!  I love pizza.  Plain vanilla ice cream....nothing in it yuck!

18. What is the first thing you notice about people?
Their shoes....what?!  I am short and knee caps are boring!  A couple more inches and I will be able to assess their....... belly button... what?  What did you think I was going to say?

19. What is your super power?
I have a strong sense of smell.  I can smell anything....it is freakish....but cool.

20. What do you look for in a friend?
Who has cool toys?  They also have to be nice, I don't like mean kids.

When we were done he asked, why did you ask me so many questions.  I replied that I was just trying to keep up with all his questions.  He thought about it and said....  Sorry Mom, but I ask better questions than that.   Sounds like a challenge to me.....little smarty pants!  Happy Birthday Sweet Baby Boy!

Now, the fun part: tagging others!! How about if you read this and would like to answer the questions on your own, do it!  Be sure to tag your blog post below so others can come check it out.  Free advertisement...a gift from the midget on his birthday!

Not Guilty!

Welcome to Take Two of February’s Secret Subject Swap. This week, 14 brave bloggers picked a secret subject for someone else and were assigned a secret subject to interpret in their own style. Today we are all simultaneously divulging our topics and submitting our posts.   

My “Secret Subject” is:  

You’ve been found “not guilty”. What were you accused of and why?

It was submitted by: Baking In A Tornado

Bailiff:  Order in the court! Order in the court!  The honorable Judge Reality is now presiding. 

Judge Reality: You may be seated.  Has the jury come to a decision?

Juror: Yes your honor, we have.

Judge Reality: Please read your findings.

Juror: The jury finds The Mommy Ref….. Not Guilty on all accounts of being the “Worst Mom Ever”.

Judge Reality:  Case Dismissed, you are free to go Ms. Ref.

Mommy Ref turns to the court room of peers and begins to belt out... 

Na-na-nahh-na, na-na-nahh-na, hey, hey, hey...goodbye! .

Rewind:

Eight years prior I found out I was expecting my first child.  DaddyCool and I were ecstatic to say the least.  We made promises and plans to how we would parent.  We shared notes of the good and bad moments of our own childhood.  We thought about the day we would be sideline parents encouraging them every step of the way in whatever it was their heart was after.  What we didn’t plan for was the drama from other parents that would follow.  The constant spotlight people have on you for every step of the way.  The constant suggestions from others on how we should do things.  The never-ending “words of wisdom” people felt the need to share whether they have experienced being a parent or not.  We didn’t account for this.  To be honest, why would people care, I mean they surely have other things to think about then our choices in the parenting world.  Right?

Wrong!

People are crazy!  Really they are!  And with the world of social media there are more ways to be crazy!  There are more opportunities to be in people’s business.  Create drama.  Feed the drama.  And be the self-proclaimed expert. That is what got me into this mess.  Other people thinking they know what is best for my family.

The bottom line is this:

I am a good Mom.

I know this because I question myself daily on if the decisions I am making for my children are going to lead them to be the best they can be.  I am constantly evaluating and re-evaluating how to parent my three kids as they are all different in how they respond.  I know because I am able to see when I am not being a good Mom.  I don’t walk around thinking I have it all figured it.  It is a daily struggle….some days are minute by minute struggles!

The reality is I love my children.  Even if some of my ideas end up flawed, I am always trying my best.  I always love my children with all of my heart.

Yes, I might yell more than is socially acceptable at times.  I may lack good judgment of when to not over react.  I may be awful at following through at times.  I don’t allow my kids to “win” all the time as a means of teaching them the reality of losing.  And I just might feed my children cereal for dinner more nights than I care to admit.

Even with those things, I am not a bad mom.

Every night I tuck my kids into bed at night.  I tell them “no” to too much sugar, TV, and video games.  I scream “yes” when they want to eat fruits and veggies or go run outside!  I hug them just because and hug them tighter when they are hurt.  I have learned very recently to say I am sorry when I make mistakes because it is important they see it is ok to make a bad choice.  I will read them the same book a zillion times even though we have three shelves of books.  I play Barbies, house, cars, army men, and other imagination games even if I feel all my creativity has escaped me. I encourage them to learn life skills like finding the best deal on toilet paper or gas for the car.  I teach them the value of saving money so it won’t burn a hole in their pocket when they have money of their own one day.  I remind them to speak up so they are taken seriously and to be respectful of others ideas. (Even if that is what got me in the mess in the first place)
The measure of my success as a Mom is how much I love them, my ability to be there for them and my awareness to ask for help when I need it as a Mom.

I have realized that too often we are our hardest critics (unless you live with my son...see my last post about that).  I am a good Mom.  I will make mistakes.  I will learn from them.  My kids are my life.

I.AM.A.GOOD.MOM

Grab some coffee and hop around to some other great Bloggers in the swap, links are below:
 

http://www.BakingInATornado.com

http://sadderbutwiser.wordpress.com/                           

http://suburbiainterrupted.com/                             

http://stacysewsandschools.wordpress.com/

xcartwright.blogspot.com   

http://snarkfestblog.blogspot.com/                          

http://www.themommyref.blogspot.com/

http://www.comeplayinthekitchen.com/

http://macdonaldsplayland.blogspot.com

http://www.theadventuresofthefamilypants.com

http://adventuresinhickeyland.blogspot.com

http://dawnsdisaster.blogspot.com/

http://sorrykid.blogspot.com

www.theblacksheepmom.blogspot.com