Friday, February 8, 2013

Not Guilty!

Welcome to Take Two of February’s Secret Subject Swap. This week, 14 brave bloggers picked a secret subject for someone else and were assigned a secret subject to interpret in their own style. Today we are all simultaneously divulging our topics and submitting our posts.   

My “Secret Subject” is:  

You’ve been found “not guilty”. What were you accused of and why?

It was submitted by: Baking In A Tornado

Bailiff:  Order in the court! Order in the court!  The honorable Judge Reality is now presiding. 
Judge Reality: You may be seated.  Has the jury come to a decision?
Juror: Yes your honor, we have.
Judge Reality: Please read your findings.
Juror: The jury finds The Mommy Ref….. Not Guilty on all accounts of being the “Worst Mom Ever”.
Judge Reality:  Case Dismissed, you are free to go Ms. Ref.
Mommy Ref turns to the court room of peers and begins to belt out... 

Na-na-nahh-na, na-na-nahh-na, hey, hey, hey...goodbye! .

Eight years prior I found out I was expecting my first child.  DaddyCool and I were ecstatic to say the least.  We made promises and plans to how we would parent.  We shared notes of the good and bad moments of our own childhood.  We thought about the day we would be sideline parents encouraging them every step of the way in whatever it was their heart was after.  What we didn’t plan for was the drama from other parents that would follow.  The constant spotlight people have on you for every step of the way.  The constant suggestions from others on how we should do things.  The never-ending “words of wisdom” people felt the need to share whether they have experienced being a parent or not.  We didn’t account for this.  To be honest, why would people care, I mean they surely have other things to think about then our choices in the parenting world.  Right?


People are crazy!  Really they are!  And with the world of social media there are more ways to be crazy!  There are more opportunities to be in people’s business.  Create drama.  Feed the drama.  And be the self-proclaimed expert. That is what got me into this mess.  Other people thinking they know what is best for my family.

The bottom line is this:
I am a good Mom.
I know this because I question myself daily on if the decisions I am making for my children are going to lead them to be the best they can be.  I am constantly evaluating and re-evaluating how to parent my three kids as they are all different in how they respond.  I know because I am able to see when I am not being a good Mom.  I don’t walk around thinking I have it all figured it.  It is a daily struggle….some days are minute by minute struggles!

The reality is I love my children.  Even if some of my ideas end up flawed, I am always trying my best.  I always love my children with all of my heart.
Yes, I might yell more than is socially acceptable at times.  I may lack good judgment of when to not over react.  I may be awful at following through at times.  I don’t allow my kids to “win” all the time as a means of teaching them the reality of losing.  And I just might feed my children cereal for dinner more nights than I care to admit.

Even with those things, I am not a bad mom.
Every night I tuck my kids into bed at night.  I tell them “no” to too much sugar, TV, and video games.  I scream “yes” when they want to eat fruits and veggies or go run outside!  I hug them just because and hug them tighter when they are hurt.  I have learned very recently to say I am sorry when I make mistakes because it is important they see it is ok to make a bad choice.  I will read them the same book a zillion times even though we have three shelves of books.  I play Barbies, house, cars, army men, and other imagination games even if I feel all my creativity has escaped me. I encourage them to learn life skills like finding the best deal on toilet paper or gas for the car.  I teach them the value of saving money so it won’t burn a hole in their pocket when they have money of their own one day.  I remind them to speak up so they are taken seriously and to be respectful of others ideas. (Even if that is what got me in the mess in the first place)
The measure of my success as a Mom is how much I love them, my ability to be there for them and my awareness to ask for help when I need it as a Mom.

I have realized that too often we are our hardest critics (unless you live with my son...see my last post about that).  I am a good Mom.  I will make mistakes.  I will learn from them.  My kids are my life.


Grab some coffee and hop around to some other great Bloggers in the swap, links are below:                                                                


  1. You put so much thought into parenting and are open to reassessment. I think that IS what makes a good parent. And you're a pretty great writer too. I love what you did with this prompt.

  2. Being a good mommy is doing everything you are doing. We are our own toughest critics. I learned early on to ignore what everyone else had to say and parent the best way I knew how.

    We just do the best we can from to minute to minute. Whatever can get us through this day and into the next. ;)

  4. Amen! Just say NO to the mom guilt! Love this- thanks for an awesome read!

  5. LOVE THIS! Of course you do your best! As we all do for our own families...I HATE the critics, most especially from people who don't even have children! Your post was awesome!

  6. Some people take their entire lives to realize that good enough is awesome. Not having a "perfect" dinner on the table and an immaculate house doesn't make you a bad parent, it makes you a REAL parent. Making mistakes teaches your kids how to handle life. Your kids seeing you struggle sometimes lets them have faith in themselves to figure out their own situations. Being involved and loving your littles is a lot more important than image. I really do love this..

  7. Wooo!! You did a great job with this prompt, I loved reading it. You are a real mom not a perfect mom, and that's a great lesson to teach kids: be real.

  8. You ARE a good mommy!

  9. Not a comment about your post, I'm afraid! I tagged you:! Have fun!!

    1. Great! I will check it out, thank you!