Friday, February 1, 2013

Friendship - My Guest Post Reblogged

This is the post I was so thankful to have the opportunity to write for a dear friend's blog.  I thought I would post it here in case you missed it!  She is a real friend and we are more than bloggers harassing one another.  We harass each other in real life.  We also support each other.  We cry, we scream, we are there for each other because that is what we do.  Even if she talks about spandex more than any human should and wishes for unicorn farts….  It was only fitting that I write about Friendship.
A few nights ago, I was talking to a dear friend of mine.  We have known each other for more years than I care to say for fear of feeling old.  We met in 9th grade. I still remember the party and all the stupid people there….good ones too.  That is where we connected the first time.  We were not “close” in high school.  We had similar friends but different schedules.  I hung out with a mix of people and played basketball.  She had some similar friends but was not in my “sports” world.  As high school ended, so did our connection until one awesome day when we reunited on Facebook.  I say Facebook sucks a lot, but I truly am thankful more than not as I have been reunited with my dear friend.  Reunited at a time in which I needed someone the most.  My marriage was rocky; I felt as though I was not cut out for this parenting gig…but was two kids into it.  I was dealing with a lot of strong issues just in time to find out I was pregnant with #3.  I about lost it….but she didn’t judge, she was there.  Anytime I needed her, she was there.  Good thing she didn’t charge…I would be broke.

I found myself thinking of the other significant friendships that I have had throughout my life.  Just yesterday I ran into a woman that I have known since I was 3.  Yes, 3!  We have known each other almost all our life yet since high school we never connect other than by chance.  The funny thing is, when we see each other it is if we have been hanging out all the time.  There is just a connection.  I can’t explain it.  We can go from being incredibly estranged to close and connected in minutes.

That is my life pattern though.  The people I have known for years come and go often only reconnected because of social media.  I wonder if “I” am the reason I don’t have any friends that stick it out.  My husband and his BFF are in contact daily.  They were in each other’s weddings.  They have a bond.  Yet for me, the friendship fades, or changes or…. do I?

Until recently I really never thought about it.  Maybe it is me getting older and all soft.  The hard truth is that when friendships are lost it is often viewed as a personal failure, sometimes it is even embarrassing to some.  This is where I believe we begin to judge ourselves too hard on our ability to make and maintain friends.  I found this quote and it put things into a new light for me:
"Each friend represents a world in us,
a world possibly not born until they arrive,
and it is only by this meeting
that a new world is born."
~ Anais Nin

I look at all the people I have come across regardless of the amount of time I had them in my life and I can see what they brought to me.  Some brought great memories and others brought great sadness, but both brought opportunities to learn more about me.  Each and every person I have crossed paths with and have been able to call a “friend”, even for a short time has molded me to who I am today.  I sincerely hope I have done the same for them. 

This is the essential key. 
It is about me.  It is about me being ok with me.  We all connect for various reasons.  Embrace the time spent and grow with it. Don’t take it personally, just take what you have learned from your interactions.

“If one is estranged from oneself, then one is estranged from others too. If one is out of touch with oneself, then one cannot touch others.” -Anne Morrow Lindbergh

Friendships will come and go.  Life leads people in a new direction at times.  The reality is sometimes we just outgrow our friends.  It doesn’t have to be because of something we did or they did.  It may simply be because we are needed elsewhere and so are they.  

Don’t forget the friends you keep around for pure entertainment value.  You all have one and know what I am talking about.  That is a whole other topic for another time.


  1. I've always had a lot of "regular" friends but not a close, close friend since my college years. I live in a tourist town where people come and go, so it's hard to keep long term friendships. When I got active on Facebook awhile back, I was AMAZED at all the friends I was able to reconnect with. And the strangest thing---whenever something bad happens in my life, it's my FB friends from as far back as childhood (though I haven't SEEN them in 30 years!) who are the first to help me out. Kindness comes in the most unexpected places sometimes. Thanks of reshaping this post--I could certainly relate!